Im Back!!!!

It’s new year and hell yeah a new start for those waiting to start a new life… For me, nothing much..same old, same olds..Blog still on surf control but hey, atleast we could still add entries (Right anne?! ) Hehehe.. so I was planning this swimming trips since august! hahaha…and guess what?! finally, someone gave way to my fantasy..We’re going swimming this monday!(that is if all goes well)..i wish! my birthday’s fast approaching and yeah age comes with it whether i like it or not….hmmmm too bad ey?! unfortunately, no funds for my bday so no bday trips for bday girl…

Back from Vacation

hayyyy..kakatamad pala noh..pag nakapagpahinga ka ng matagal parang ayaw mo na bumalik sa mundong nakasanayan mo na (or forcibly dapat sanayin mo yung sarili mo). I just got back from my rest day and a day of leave, ang sarap magpahinga. Nakakapagod din pala. Miss ko na siya. Antagal ko din na di regular na nagsusulat. Siguro kasi masaya ako ng mga nakalipas na araw. Pansin ko kasi pag malungkot ako mas madami ako nasusulat. Malapit na ang pasko. 23 days na lang pasko na. Hayyyy..Wala pa ako regalo sa mga inaanak at mga mahal ko sa buhay.
Maiba ako, minsan pag kasama ko siya, parang gusto ko wag na matapos yung oras. Pinagdadasal ko na sana bumagal yung pagtakbo ng panahon. Siguro kasi alam kong matatagalan nanaman bago kami magkita at magkasama muli. Gusto ko balang araw tuwing gigising ako, mukha niya ang makikita ko. Ipagluluto ko siya ng almusal, tanghalian at hapunan. Wala lang. Feeling housewife. Miss ko na yung asawa ko. Kung kailan at paano kami magkakasama, hindi ko pa alam. Basta ang alam ko lang lahat gagawin ko mangyari lang yun.

*Dady, mahal na mahal kita. Gusto ko tuwing gigising ako ikaw agad yung makikita ko at bago ko ipikit ang mga mata ko ikaw din ang huli kong makikita. Miss na kita!

Checklist

Places I wanna visit before I die:

1. Tagaytay - check
2. Wawa Dam - soon ( i wish!)
3. Maldives - out of reach!
4. Puerto Galera - soon!
5. In J’s arms - forever

The Sweetest Thing

……………..

*hei raine, yan ha blog na!!!! hihihihi

ano na kaya? hmmm…. wala akong masulat kasi wala naman masyado nangyari nitong mga nakaraang araw. “at peace kami” ika nga..pero bigla na lang kanina..ayan nanaman siya..ang papansin na wala naman may gustong pumansin..haaaayyyy..ang buhay nga naman..kailangan talaga siguro ang mga ganyang bagay bagay para maging masarapa ang buhay..para matutunan natin pahalagahan ang mga sandaling masaya tayo at payapa. kasi pag dumarating na ang araw na ganito, na nagugulo nanaman ang mga gantong problema, mas lalo natin ma “appreciate” yung mga bagay na magaganda at yung mga oras na walang problema..di ko alam kung may “sense” pa yung mga pinagsasasabi ko dito..wala lang.tama na nga toh..

grrrrrrrrrrr..

Naiinis ako di dahil sa kanya kundi dahil sa isang taong walang magawa. Ayokong nakikitang siyang ganyan. Ayokong nado down siya kasi doble yung sakit na nararamdaman ko pag ganun. Mahal na mahal ko siya. Katangahan na marahil para sa iba pero eto ang totoo.
Naiinis ako na wala akong magawa para alisin siya sa sitwasyong kinakalagyan nya ngayon. Wala akong magawa. Di ko siya matulungan kahit gaano ko kagusto na gawin yun. Ngayon isang katotohanan na naman ang natutunan ko tungkol sa pagmamahal. Pag nasasaktan at nahihirapan pala yung taong sobrang mahal na mahal mo, mas masakit ang dating sayo..Dobleng hirap ang pinapasan mo. Parang gusto mong palitan ang mundo para lahat ng bagay aayon sa kanya. Para di na siya muling masasaktan. Di na muling mamomroblema. Bakit ganun?! Ginawa na nya lahat. Lahat ng mga dapat nyang gawin. Pati nga yung di na sakop ng usapan nagawa na nya pero naghahanap pa rin yung isa.
Badtrip talaga mga taong walang iisang salita. Wala na nga maitulong, nakakabigat pa. It takes two to tango which applies sa situation ng mahal ko at niya. So bakit pinapagsolo niya yung mahal ko sa problema? Bakit pilit niyang binabaon.? Sarili lang niya ang mahal niya. Ngayon ko lang napatunayan, WALA TALAGA SIYANG KWENTA AT SANA MAGBAGO NAMAN SIYA!!!!

haaayyyyyy..tagaytay.. i will be back soon

can’t wait to come back….

off to tagaytay

It was very early the morning of October 30th 2005. The day we went to Tagaytay. It was a very cold ride going there which made the trip even more exciting..He said that it was to make up for everything said and done that got me hurt. While we were there away from the harsh reality that we were forced to live with, I felt secure, I felt loved, I felt that He was mine, all mine.. But as often qouted “Some good things never last” and it was all too good to be true, we we’re soon on our way back. Back to the world that is no longer ours. Back to where realities suck but we have to live with them anyway because we don’t really have that much of a choice.
I wish someday we’ll go back there, back to the place where i finally felt peace. Back to that cold place that ironically makes you all warm and tingly inside..
Back to the place where He is all
MINE.

try lang

100 Reasons Why I Love You (complete version)

i love the way you hold my hand
i love the way you squeeze it when you get excited
i love the feel of my head on your shoulders
i love the way you watch me eat
i love the way you watch me sleep (and snore *smiles*) 
i love the it when you touch me
i love your sweet smile
i love the smell of your neck (actually, i just love how you smell of faint cologne, bulgari?!)
i love it when you fight for me
i love the way you kiss
i love the way you walk
i love the it when you give me a very stress-relieving massages
i love your body (hell yeah i really do!!!!)
i love your eyes, your nose, your lips
i love the way you just lie there peacefully by my side (makes me wish those moments could last forever!)
i love it when we eat exotic stuff (kwekkwek, isaw, proven, squidballs, sinangag ni ate)
i love the way you do sexy dances (shempre for me lang dapat!)
i love the way that you sooooo love nba (or basketball for that matter!)
i love the way you always make me smile
i love the way you smile back
i love the way you tickle me
i love the way you look when you just woke up
i love the it when you txt me (kaya nga msgs mo kahit more than a year old na di ko mbura)
i love it when you hug me
i love it when you hug me real tight
i love the way you sweet talk when we’re on the phone
i love the way you say iloveu, imissu, tsuupppppppp
i love the way you bring out the best in me
i love your shirts
i love your shoes (hihihi!!!!)
i love the way you drive (khit natatakot ako, miss ko na nga eh)
i love the your goatee (nakakakiliti)
i love your spiky hair
i love the way your breath smells (always fresh!)
i love the banana juice (hihihi!!!)
i love the way you love yumi
i love the way you talk to yumi
i love the way you talk about yumi
i love the way gigil ka sa mga beltbag ko (hehehe eewwww!!!)
i love the way you sing
i love the way you always have a way of manipulating me
i love the way you fix your hair (lalo na ngayon, kakatuwa!)
i love the way you say sorry after we had a fight
i love the way you make lambing
i love the way you tease me
i love it when you whisper sweet nothings
i love it when you’re honest
i love the way you kiss me on the forehead
i love it when you bite my nose (ewwww!!!!)
i love it when you pinch my nose
i love the way that my decisions matter to you (and yours are important for me too!)
i love the way you call me misis, my, pare
i love the way you type so fast (khit lgi mo niloloko na slow ako)
i love the way you make love to me so much! (censored)
i love the way you love french fries (mcdo!)
i love it that you know me so well
i love it when you surprise me
i love the way that you take good care of me
i love the way you’re a perfect gentleman
i love the way you talk to people
i love the way you let me take care of you (lalo na pag bangenge ka!)
i love your room (your bed!)
i love the the hair at your back (hihihi!!!)
i love kissing you everywhere
i love the way that you’re so concerned
i love the bloopers (magkano sarsi, sprite nga!) hihihi
i love the way that you’ve watched almost all the movies i didn’t get to see
i love the way that you pawn your celphone just to be with me
i love the way you miss me
i love it when you want to be with me often
i love the way you tell me stories about your life
i love the way that you stay up late just to wake me up for my shift
i love the way you stay up late just to talk to me on the phone
i love the way you wake up early in the morning just to go to my place
i love the way you wake up early in the morning just to talk to me on the phone
i love the way you make me sleepy by rubbing your hands gently on my forehead
i love the way you know the real me and still continue to love me
i love the way you always make sure that i’ll be home safe
i love the way you love your mom and jhay (loving person ka tlga eh!!)
i love the way you drink lots and lots of water (nkakahawa na minsan..hihih!!!)
i love the way you joke around (laging masaya)
i love the way that you make me go crazy (in bed! censored…)
i love the way you teach me new things
i love hanging out with you
i love smoking with you
i love drinking with you
i love roadtrips with you
i love staying up all night with you
i love going up the “bundok” just to see you
i love your choice of music
i love the way you always visit “the john” almost after eating (heheh!!! salagubang..)
i love it when you force me to be brave (remember?! feng sui)
i love watching movies with you (scary, or not)
i love it when you tell me your problems
i love that yoy share your dreams with me
i love that you love my parents (after all that’s happened)
i love the way you do situps (right after you know what..)
i love the way you drink i-on (wonder why…hmmm)
i love that you’re so vain
lastly….

i love you because you’reyou

love song lyrics

funny the title of this song

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

i love you (a letter)

to my everdearest dady,

ita. sobra. mahal kita higit sa kahit sino, isama mo na diyan ang mga magulang ko at lahat ng mga mahal ko sa buhay. akala ko noon, bago pa kita nakilala, marunong na ako magmahal ng totoo. akala ko noon alam ko na kung ano talaga ang ibig sabihin ng pagmamahal. pero nung nakilala kita, natuto ako magtiis, magsakripisyo, masaktan ng di nagrereklamo at magmahal kahit walang hinihintay na kapalit. siguro yun yung tunay na ibig sabihin ng pagmamahal.
wag kang mag alala.. nandito lang ako..tulad ng sinabi ko noon, di ako mawawala at ikaw lang ang makakapagsabi kung kailan ako bibitaw..
noon, ok lang sa akin na may kahati sayo.. ang gusto ko lang noon ay may panahon ka  para sa akin..masaya na ako sa ganun..
ngayon, gusto ko akin ka na lang. wala ng ibang pwede makihati. madamot na kung madamot pero yun ang gusto ko.
mahal na mahal kita. kung meron pang salitang mas matindi pa dyan, basta mahal kita.

decide..DECIDE..DeCiDe…

minsan may mga desisyon sa buhay na kahit masakit ay kailangan mong gawin dahil alam mong yun yung tama..kaya lang minsan talagang hindi mo kaya. mahal ko siya, mahal nya ko, pro may isa pang nagmamahal sa kanya na nangangailangan sa kanya ngayon..mahirap diba?! masakit pag di mo alam kung saan ka lulugar, dun sa kung saan magiging masaya ka, o dun sa alam mong tama. minsan ko nang naranasan mag isa. ” alone in the most crucial time of my life.” alone when  i was fighting between the thin lines of life and death..mag isa, wala siya. noon, kahit gaano ko gustuhin wala akong choice but to get through it alone…so now, ang line ng thinking ko, why shouldn’t she suffer the same fate? why should she be any different? why should she be special?

pero still, my conscience is bothering me. what’s the right thing to do? maybe, hindi ko dapat tinatanong yun kasi i know the answer damn well…pero is it fair? again, i would know the answer to that. life’s unfair, life’s godeym hard but decisions have to be made and the consequences of my decisions i have to bear alone… well, all my life i made lots of wrong choices and real bad decisions, let’s just hope this time, this one time i would make the right one..

perFecT

haven’t blogged for a couple of days and now i have a reason to write again..this is so not good.
can someone really be perfect? can someone be the perfect lover, perfect friend and perfect love? could anyone do it all at the same time?
i know im not perfect, i barely am normal. my life has been a whirlwind of mistakes, fun and sadness. the latter being dominant among the three. this is the time when i actually wanted to be perfect. not for myself but for him. it’s sad that i’m only human and i barely keep myself sane let alone be perfect but i’m trying damn hard to be..sometimes i feel so stupid..slipping on little things that later on would turn out into a big argument.damn life!!!! damn my life!!! why can’t i just be perfect? why can’t i just read his mind and do whatever it is that would please him? why?
i just turned my celphone on and he’s saying sorry for everything he has said..so that gets me where? back to square one. back to trying to be perfect..back to trying to achieve the impossible. back to my parallel universe.. see, im starting to be crazy again…and that’s exactly what this is.. a crazy feeling called love..

Nice

First Gimmik!

My sONG tO MY lOVED oNE

I wanna make you smile whenever you’re sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you’ve had too much to drink
I could be the girl who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you.

More than Anyone

You need a friend
I’ll be around
Don’t let this end
before I see you again
What can I say to convince you to change your mind?..Don’t leave

My Angel..

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Nothing to do…

i have seven minutes to spare until my lunch is through..i’ve just updated another blog in another website..hmmm, nothing to do and nothing to say..he just e mailed me this :

“mommy mtutulog n ako ha…di n kita mahihintay eh antok n kc ako eh…sana pag dting mo email mo ako ha.pls email k agad pag dting mo ok.mis u ingat k ok..wag mong kalimutan n mag email agad pag dting mo ok.mahal n mahal kta ok di n kita iiwan ok.mag hahanap n ako ng work para maka alis n ako rito.mag rerent n lang ako ng room o kya appartment pag may n ipon para maka pag tipid n tyo di ba?mahal n mahal kita ok at lagi mong tandaan n hindi kita iiwanan khit ano pang mangyari ok.luv u tsuptusptsuptsuptsuptsuptsuptsuptusptsuptsup
tsuptusptusptsuptsuptsuptsuptsuptsuptsuptsuptsup
tsuptsuptsuptsuptsuptsuptsuptsup“

last night before he went to sleep and i guess that really made my day… i am in constant war mode with my dad because of his lack of manners when i’m on the phone with J. i was mad as hell yesterday when i left the house to report for work but when i finally got here, i got to read the sweetest email yet and now im kinda in a good mood.. i miss J and i miss spending time with him may it be just making “Tambay” in the mall and smoking our lungs out or in our “tambayan” where we get to taste each other and satisfy our earthly cravings..heheh..more often than not, we end up going to our “tambayan” and when we’re there, it actually feels like home..weird of all the wierds but its true..it’s like our shelter away from this cruel world. it’s the place where i feel that no other people exists but him and me…it’s a place where i can call him MINE! ALL MINE. but all the time it ends up too soon.before we even realize it, its the start of another day…so even if we don’t want to, we’d have to get back to the real world, and wait for another couple of days before we can go back..someday, we will have a home…some place that we could call our own..away from the harsh realities that we both we’re forced to face…away from all the hustle and bustle of the people around us..someday we’ll have that home. our own paradise.: